My vision's bluring like it does when i've been studying or reading or on the computer for a while at night. Man, i have two papers left for the terms and i've been sleeping alot lately, like i do during exams periods. I think thats my form of escapism, but anyway i've been wondering how i'm going to go about this week when i've hardly studied for the exams. Oh Sunday evening did not feel good at all. Nuh uh. Its kind of late, I'm just looking forward for the end of tmr's paper. The best thing about term exams is that you get to go home right after your paper. Nevermind that friday's history paper is going to be quite painful. I'll worry about it tomorrow. Okay maybe not. I just finished Wide Sargasso Sea for lit tmr and i think its depressing.

Frightening.
 
Okay, Top Girls now.

"Say nothing and it may not be true."

I was at the library the other day when I overheard two students, one patiently explaining fundamental mathematical concepts to the other who you'd think would have long mastered at her age. And she tried, she really tried to learn them. I looked over and somewhere in that child I saw the struggle, such humility and the desire to learn although her persistent efforts led to slow, little results. I got up and walked for a while, until everything around and in me was quiet again.    

I said God, why?
and then I realised that while He made the weak, He also always made sure of a way for them to never have to stay that way for long.  
I said God, But its hard. It gets harder when society can cripple you with your own weaknesses.
and then,
can it really  

I like this picture, when fungmin huiwei and patrice and i slept over at huiwei's place some time back.
I'm watching Oprah's 2008 commencement address at Standford U. on youtube, and i'm really enjoying it. The speech is brilliant and she really is an entertainer. On a side note, I can't imagine how graduation from university must feel like. I hope when I get to that point that I don't forget to be really proud of myself. (: 

If you ask me, the word "love" is so overused today that it doesn't mean anything at all sometimes, even though it's supposed to "make the world go round"/ "conquer all"/ transform 'all things base and vile' into 'form and dignity'. You pick. 
But It does convey a powerful emotion and committment after all. 
And I'm just thinking, how many times have I had to tell myself to stop being critical of others and instead, to love. And how many times, in that second when God looks away from me, does He choose to love a young and arrogant human who He knows, will never be fully capable of understanding His ways.  And then, how many times, in the moments when I look to God, do I choose to love an ageless all-knowing Almighty that I cannot and have never seen, and whose mysterious ways I've heard I'll never be able to fully understand. 

In eagerness, she tries to take the world in her hands.
But she realises she cannot.
Not now, maybe not ever.

I haven't been posting anything here for a while. I wouldn't say I've  been too busy, I think I just didn't feel like it is all. Haha.
The hockey season ended with us clinching a third placing in the nationals, and like always and as with all teams, we felt ever so strongly that we could have done better than that. Although, with only about twenty three, twenty four (?) voices claiming they can vouch for that, the medals still say the most. But hey, like they also say, "there's always next year". Another chance to prove yourself, only this time, in black and white. Because the things people say don't count for much.


Hence the lengths we tend to go for the sake of a medal like this one.
Oh okay, I realise I tend to dramatise and exaggerate sometimes, but I really am happy that I got to have this experience with them! It was awfully painful and disappointing at times, yet filled with so much joy and love at the same time. I also had my best and my worst matches this Adiv season. Siewluan, patrice, huiwei, fungmin and samuel can probably second that. They supported us through the whole tournament, (thankyou!) And yeah we got a third! (: I also miss the j2s like crazy. ): But I guess this is going to be a whole new experience now with a new team.  
 

I always liked his smile.
It makes me smile.


(:
He makes me smile. 

Sceptics aren't the way they are for nothing.
They're tired of believing too quickly what everyone else says. 
They're sorry they let themselves hurt.  
Maybe
they're just trying to find their way again.
 

Tonight I wondered, after hearing so much, what is God's plan?
How does everyone know for sure?

How do I know for sure?

I'm kinda tired sometimes, tired of feeling like I need to speak up for You.

i've had my back turned, fighting these hands that have held me.
and I kinda wish I could answer those questions they ask. but my own words seem foreign and out of place.

"Love the ball, 

                               hate the goal." 

 

 
Some of my valentines on the 14th, at Fall. :D
Oh but this was taken a week before Valentine's anyway, we were scribbling love notes on the board. The reception on the actual day was packed.

I was taught never to hold onto something too tightly to forget we're going to have to let it go someday. Change breaks me a little, but then they mould me into so much more.